I have been debating whether I should talk about the stuff I am going to talk about in this post, but then I thoughts about the fact that I am always putting up a happy face instead of showing what is really going on in my mind. And I feel comfortable enough in my little corner of the book community, so I am going to tell you guys what has been going on in my mind lately. Most of this post isn’t going to be that happy, but don’t worry I’ll be talking about somethings I am/was excited for.
First of all, I didn’t make it with the plan for my research. I had to redo it and if it still wasn’t good enough, the next opportunity would be after summer vacation. Basically that is what happened, it wasn’t good enough, so instead of being done this summer, I will be done with college in January 2018, I believe. So that wasn’t really a great thing to hear, I have been worried about it all week and then comes the outcome which makes you feel worse than you were already feeling. Right now I have processed it and I am already moving forward, but that did have an impact on me.
By that comes that at home it hasn’t been that much fun lately. If I had the chance to sit all day/evening upstairs, I would. But I can’t because my sister is almost every day there, so I have no place to be alone which I really need after all what has happened. The atmosphere at home has been horrible and I think that has been affecting me as well. Normally I am pretty optimistic, but the last few weeks, I haven’t been that at all. I was feeling very down because I had to redo my research, and I was already thinking about the worst case scenarios. To put it simple, I was done with everything. I started asking myself questions like: How long do I have to continue fight and proving myself to others? Am I really happy with doing what I am doing right now? What if I just quit and start doing something else? I wasn’t happy at all, I was feeling like crying all the time. Now I’m feeling a bit better, but I am not feeling great, but I can truly smile again. I am really good at putting up a fake smile, and I will only show you that something is up once I have decided that I want you to see it or if I want to talk about it.
I have to admit that everything was too much, internship and the research at the same time. I couldn’t divide my time between those two, because I needed all the time that I had for every one of them. I will be continuing with my internship and I am going to complete that, so that I only have to focus on my research after the summer vacation. I think one at the time is the best I can do, so, so be it.
Now that was the sad part of this post, I am going to end it on the positive side. First of all, I went to the Beauty and the Beast movie!! It was better than expected and I loved the way the characters have been created and made their own by the directors and actors. I loved Emma Watson’s Belle and the Beast had so much more personality than he had in the animated movie, I loved him!
Secondly a few anime sequels will be starting in April, two have already started and the third I am excited for starts on the 5th. The two who have started are Boku No Hero Academia (My Hero Academia) and Shingeki no Kyojin (Attack on Titan), the first episodes were amazing! And the last one is Boruto the sequel to Naruto, I am a bit apprehensive about this one, but I am still curious to see what they will make of it.
Thirdly I will be blogging more because I have the time right now. I am going to try to blog every day, and I am pre-writing the blog for the next two weeks, because those are busy weeks for me. But now I got more time for that and more time to read. Which I am very excited about!
And Lastly I am going to be writing again. I haven’t been able to do any writing because I was spending every free second on my research, so now I got more time to do that!
So, it feels good to get this of my chest. Thank you guys for listening to my rambling, I really appreciate it! And most importantly don’t forget to love yourself, even though that can be hard sometimes. You know you the best, and you know what you need the most.
I am finally excited to do stuff again!